Have I told you lately that I do care?

Life has been too busy to notice...... Lost friends, lost contacts, and missing memories. It is true, I am trying to avoid the realities I will someday have to face. {yes Mom... I am also still avoiding the boxes} I have put more activities into my life and into my children's lives so that we are too busy to notice the rest. Better to stay busy. Better to keep the job/school/activities really crowded right now.

So, for right now, Forgive me if I don't talk enough, or don't call, or don't write, or don't share. I am blogging instead of talking because I don't have the emotional energy to call and tell everyone. I wore myself out on all the other stuff that happened today. Normally, I prefer not to have any energy to spend on the trials. Our trials are depressing. It is the major reason I don't blog what I do on a daily basis. It's all depressing.

No, I wouldn't trade. I had someone say "I wish I had your life." Crap. A whole load of it. We all have challenges in this world that God has given us for a reason.... and your challenges are not my challenges. And I would not want anyone else's challenges.
The Neurologist said just the other day that a "Normal" Person wouldn't be walking. So, I'm glad I'm not "Normal"..... What's normalcy anyway. I pay out the ying and the yang to make sure I am doing all my physical therapy so I don't have to be normal. Someday I won't have the ability to walk. How 'bout you?
A good friend said she would like her husband to do all the dishes and laundry and kids and work on the house..... I love that.  Her husband will remember that we need milk to go with the cookies he was sent to the store for. And that the kids have whatever going on in an hour..... Memory is a precious thing. Someday he won't know my name. How 'bout you?
As for the children..... I love them dearly. They are growing too fast. Patience is truly a virtue I was not born with. I am glad they do not stay teenagers forever. They don't know what they are missing.

Pithy stuff?

On the flip side, 

A perfectly healthy husband and father is in the hospital.... just had a massive coronary. No reason. Just up and fell over. Life flighted out. Thank God they have health insurance. 

A mother in our community just lost her six year old son due to complications after surgery to have tubes put in his ears. 

My tribulations are dragged out slowly. These families got blindsided. At least I know what's coming. I don't think I would be strong enough for that.

So - Who cares, right? I have heard through the grapevine that there are complaints that "I" don't keep in touch. Your right. Why should I? It's all about the "me complex" anyway. I don't have the same resources to travel, etc. Sorry. I make excuses that we don't have time. Truth is, we don't have resources. It's called money. I budget for a year (at least) for everything. Seems that those who think they are being pushed away are doing their own pushing. And now, I am missing that close relationship that I wish I had when I am sad/angry/alone/tired/and just plain done. I don't feel bad sharing the happy with a total stranger. Yes, I am sad about the choices others make. Yes, I am sorry that I don't make the time myself. It hurts if you choose to make those statements instead of pick up the phone. So, think about it. Do you really care? Or is the real reason much more shallow than that?

God gave me my own trials. I CHOOSE to spend my "spare" time being busy enough, so I don't have any time to Wallow in my Sorrows and Self-Pity. God gave me the strength and talent to HELP others. God did not choose to give me time to worry about someone else's sorry's. Sorry's are just Sorrows in disguise. 

The question is.......
Would you be strong enough to handle your neighbor's/sister's/brother's/father's/mother's/friend's trials? What about the trials written of Jesus Christ? For most of us (even me) the answer is no. And that means your not strong enough to handle mine.

A very good friend said to someone else "Michelle just needs a cause, and she'll wear you out finding the solution." I wrote this down. I don't remember what I was getting "praised" for, but I wrote it down because it reminds me that other people care that I care. I know there is always a way. It may not always be your way, or my way, but there is Always a Way.

..... God - I'm tired of looking for the solution to my own trials. Can someone else find one for me.........